Do you self-censor your language?
Have you ever thought about the words you choose to use? Do you self-censor? Do you use different language around different people… your kids, your co-workers, your friends? Do you sometimes feel the urge to use certain language and then hold back?
I used to! Language has been reflective of my personality and personal state of being for so long… in both good and bad ways.
Free to say SHIT!
Let me start with a story of when I was 10…. I remember vividly being at recess in 5th grade. I was standing with a group of kids and I said “SHIT”. Two distinct feelings from this day fill my soul…
Exhilaration! I said a “bad” word. I wasn’t supposed to say it. I did it anyway. I felt FREE and REBELLIOUS. It felt GREAT!
The other feeling was FREEDOM. I realized at that moment in time I was an independent being. I was my own person. I could do, say, feel whatever I wanted.
Back to being a “good girl”
Ironically, that moment was only a blip in my upbringing. Most of my life has been filled with following the rules, doing what was expected of me and walking a straight line. I have struggled deeply with perfectionism, self-imposed rules and concerns for what others think of me.
When you always have to be on your best behavior you don’t get to just be.
The goody-two shoes version of me was very careful with the language she used and chose to use for years and years. It was exhausting! When you always have to “be on your best behavior” you don’t get the opportunity to just be.
Rebellion, revolt or reality?
Around age 35 I went through a personal revolution. It was more like a revolt actually. Rebellion, breaking the rules (good girls and moms aren’t supposed to go out and party like 23-year-old’s right?) and all the F-bombs came bubbling to the surface.
While this wasn’t the most proud time of my life, there is a lot of good that resulted. First of all, I believe that sometimes you have to get out all the shit to work through it, and then come out stronger on the other side.
I do recognize that this doesn’t always work out and I don’t encourage self-destructive behavior. However, in my case, being able to act out of character allowed me to realize my life is pretty damn awesome! I don’t truly need to be a wild-child and escape my reality.
Second, I learned that there is a happy balance between the goody two-shoes version of me and wild-child me. I don’t have to be all or nothing. When I really started reflecting on my true desires, intentions, interests and feelings… I realized the woman I am has a LOT to bring to this world. Just as she is.
Just be your FUCKING best self!
So what does this have to do with language? I love using the word FUCK. Not as an insult or assault on anyone personally. Not in an angry way. Just as a passionate adjective! “That is so fucking awesome!” Or to express frustration, confusion (this life is not simple!) “What the fuck?” And to truly communicate my passion “I am a fucking ball of energy!”
As an In Demand Woman and conscious individual, I am finally comfortable in my own skin. I am learning to give up my perfectionism. I am relaxing my self-imposed rules. I am not worrying about what others think of me.
I am a fucking ball of energy!
When I use certain words as part of my dialect, it is because I am no longer self-censoring. Yes, I am mindful of how I communicate to a crowd or in professional settings. But if someone is offended by my occasional use of “shit” or “fuck”, well then that’s on them!
Being a mom who curses…
As for mom life, I do try to limit the amount of curse words I use around the kids. Mostly because my oldest son doesn’t like it!
The funny thing is a few years back, my husband tried to encourage me to stop cursing in front of the kids. And then he realized it was a losing battle. As he loosened his expectations, I also felt less inclined to use these words rebelliously.
At the end of the day, the words we use are just words.
At the end of the day, the words we use are just words. I think our society places too much emphasis on what is “good” and what is “bad”. Someone who uses the word “fuck” is neither good or bad. It’s just a word.
In conclusion, my hope is that you feel empowered to use the words that make you feel most authentic. If that includes cursing, embrace it!
You are entitled to be the person you are… all of you. In the truest sense of “do you, Boo”… use whatever language makes you feel the most alive, comfortable and genuine.
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