Book Review: Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life

Come as you are
Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski


“YES YOU ARE NORMAL”–Introduction, Come As You Are


Phew.  That is the most reassuring phrase a book about female sexuality and sexual identity can begin with.  “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski paints a thoughtful, informative and REAL picture of what it is like to be a woman as a sexual being in today’s society.


Sexuality and sexual identity are an important and often not-talked-about part of being human.  At Sassy Healthy Fit we want to break down the barriers we have put up for ourselves around these topics because we want to help you feel confident, free and SASSY!  We want you to feel comfortable embracing the sexual side of yourself and feel knowledgeable about what sex is, what it is not and how intimacy affects your relationship with yourself and with your partner (or partners!).


“Come as You Are” is a masterpiece for so many reasons.  Emily Nagoski is a sex educator, author and speaker.  She has her M.S. in Counseling Psychology and her Ph.D. in Health Behavior.  She has taught graduate and undergraduate classes in human sexuality, relationships and communication, stress management and sex education.  She is now a full-time speaker and author, but her background in education is prominent throughout this book and allows her to position her information from a knowledgeable and experiential perspective [1].


A line that is repeated throughout the book is “women have all the same parts organized differently”.  What a revolutionary concept!  When it comes to our body image, our self-awareness and our sexuality, we often compare ourselves to other women we see in media or we know in real life.  This concept of same yet different is repeated throughout the book and by the time you have completed it, you will feel more confident in every aspect of your body, your sexuality and your thoughts about intimacy.


What we like best about this book is how the information is presented.  Ms. Nagoski goes through everything from the physical anatomy of our sex organs (both female and male), the narratives that have been told culturally for centuries and case studies of real women (compilations of past students) and their sexual experiences.  She covers topics on everything from masturbation to orgasms to long-term relationships to not wanting sex to the stress cycle.  She writes about the topics in a very simple to understand, relatable way that will benefit all women.  She even starts by asking you to spend some time getting to know yourself…completely naked.


Another beneficial aspect of “Come As You Are” is that it includes several worksheets to help you work through some of your own sexual issues.  These worksheets include a sexual temperament assessment, sexual cues assessment, sexual context assessment and stress assessment.  If you are experiencing any issues in your sexual relationships, this book is a great resource and place to start for self-assessment to address what issues might be at hand.


Sex is not a bad word.  It is not something to feel shame around.  It is a beautiful part of being a woman.  Yet we often assign emotions and feelings and stories to our sexuality that take away from the positivity that is its gift to us. 


“Come As You Are” will open your eyes to so many areas around female sexuality and intimacy that you may or may not have been aware of.  We feel this is a hugely important book for women to read so that they better understand themselves, their bodies, their relationship to sex and their relationship with sexual partners.


We would love to know your thoughts on this book as well!  Please share in the comments below or send us a direct message if you would feel more comfortable based on the nature of this topic.